Simon Goland

Decisions, Decisions,…

Simon Goland — Mon, 28 May 2012 09:56:00 +0000

When faced with a dilemma, of a kind that is deeper and more challenging than a “latte or a cappuccino,” how do you decide?

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” - Franz Kafka

Years ago, I realized that the “walking towards the talk” principle has to apply to all areas of my life, and not only what I do for work. As a result, I did quite a few changes, big and small. Got an indoor compost, started a roof-top little garden of edible things, replaced a car to one that can run on biodiesel, and shifted quite a bit of my buying habits. Then, approached the area of my finances, and consolidated everything into one local credit union, Vancity. They have a strong social and environmental mission, they do a lot of good work in the community, and I’d rather my money work for them than anyone else.

Over the years, they have been good for me, for the most part. It seems that their mortgage department, though, does not really understand the business model under which I operate – a self employed and incorporated person. I managed to work with, and around it, until about now. As I am looking at shifting and adjusting and simplifying this part of my life, they are behind in offering me something that was offered by someone else, after a 2-minute conversation over the phone. And the person doesn’t even know me or my business.

Now what? Do I stick to them and my values, or go where I can benefit more?

“Reason and emotion are not antagonists. What seems like a struggle is a struggle between two opposing ideas or values, one of which, automatic and unconscious, manifests itself in the form of a feeling.” - Nathaniel Brandon

Ultimately, when examining the deeper values and choice, the key is to look at ways I can remain true to myself. There are reasons behind every emotion, and emotions behind the reasons. I think that a cappuccino will help me in this choice, as I go back and realign myself to the theme of “living divided no more.” Or a latte?

A Hope for the Future

Simon Goland — Fri, 04 May 2012 18:09:07 +0000

Earlier this week, students from the School of Inspired Leadership in India, where I taught at the beginning of this year, contacted me with a request to write a testimonial for their yearbook. Apparently, the year is over and they are graduating from the school that holds the values of Ethics, Mindfulness, Diversity, Compassion, and Sustainability and instills these throughout the year-long MBA degree. There is a lot I wanted to say and write, yet the limit was 150 words. A very limiting limit. Luckily, here, I don’t have to limit myself and can add all the other thoughts I had to remove.

“Work is the very fire where we are baked to perfection, and like the master of the fire itself, we add the essential ingredient and fulfillment when we walk into the flames ourselves and fuel the transformation of ordinary, everyday, forms into the exquisite and the rare.” – David Whyte

Dear graduates everywhere.

We live in a time of paradox, of more growth and bigger business, yet more poverty and ecological disasters. We strive for more, yet have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and fancier lifestyles, yet less fulfillment and meaning in our lives. We have more education and degrees, yet less heart and common sense, more information and knowledge, but less wisdom, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We know how to split the atom and the quark, yet have no idea how to keep a family together through a turbulent time. We have more, and faster, and better, communication technology coming out of our yin-yang, yet we don’t know how to have an intimate and open conversation with a friend. We have more choice, yet less freedom.

It was our generation, and the ones before that created many of the challenges you are stepping into now. And while we are still around, and are still exploring ways to reduce and mitigate and reuse and recycle and solve the problems we have created and bestowed upon you, we won’t be able to do much about. It will be up to you to solve these. It is unfortunate that the world you are inheriting from us is in a worse condition than the one we have inherited from the generation of our grandparents. Luckily, you are not us either, so there is hope. Just don’t believe our dreams.

“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone else planted a tree long ago.”

My hope is that, many years from now, when your grandchild asks you, “Grandma (or Grandpa), remember that time when our planet was on that delicate brink of disaster? What have you done to make sure I have a future?” – you will have a rich and beautiful story to share with them, about being of service, of making a difference, of doing something of real and lasting meaning and value. While at it, I also hope that many of our generation will have such a story too.

Once Upon a Time

Simon Goland — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:13:57 +0000

I recently had a chance to visit the Old City of Jerusalem and wander through the narrow streets of this ancient place. Because my partner was with me, and it was her first time to Israel, we decided to spend about 3 hours with a tour guide. It was a fascinating experience, filled with stories of history, architecture, religion, and more history of the area. Reality shows itself through the stories we tell and hear, and suddenly the Old City of Jerusalem presented itself in a different light – of neighbours, of blurred boundaries, of friendships, and collaboration and coexistence.

“It’s not differences that divide us. It’s our judgments about each other that do.” – Margaret Wheatley

In an area of about one square kilometer, four major world religions found a delicate, yet balanced coexistence. There is a Jewish Quarter, a Muslim one, a Christian, and an Armenian Orthodox one. There is also an Ethiopian village, tucked away up a flight of steps behind the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, one of the most ancient parts of the area which make up the most sacred of Christian sites in Jerusalem. While the Quarters are divided, the boundaries are somewhat fluid, and one can see a mosque in a Christian Quarter, or a Jewish flag in an Armenian one. A join existence can be seen and experienced everywhere in that small and crowded area, yet oftentimes, quickly forgotten as we leave and step outside the ancient walls.

People everywhere are drawn together in groups to remember who they really are. In light of the various challenges we are all facing at this time, the yearning to reconnect is growing stronger and deeper. To re-member, meaning to join, to become whole, to fill the place where a part was missing. There is a part in each person that has not forgotten that we are not that separate as many try and portray us to be, and so there is a natural desire in each of us to return, and to experience again the joy of being a part of a whole. This cannot be accomplished individually and separately. We are required to join with each other, literally in group gatherings, and also across distances – to level the playing field, remembering for each other, enabling all to experience joining in one mind and one spirit.

“We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Stories are pervasive everywhere in our lives. They shape us and our world, our experience of ourselves, and of each other. In the Vancouver Playback Theatre group, of which I am a member, we currently focus some of our performances on the topic of anti-bullying in schools. During our performances, we invite kids from the audience to share their experiences of either witnessing, or being on the receiving end of bullying. The themes are often similar, of feeling scared, disempowered, alone. Ultimately, witnessing a visual playing back of one’s story creates an opening for a way to do something different. Of healing the injustice. Of saying no. Of extending a hand. Of sharing ourselves with someone else. Underneath our differences, with enough layers peeled, the commonality of our human experience is easily evident. Once we let go of a story that has served its purpose once upon a time, but no more.

What’s Important

Simon Goland — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 04:07:08 +0000

Dear friends who have been together for many years, have recently parted ways. Even though there is a house, children, and a history of common experiences, it is not a guarantee to anything, when looking into the future. Lives that have been aligned, intertwined, and deeply connected, somehow, slowly, over time, unraveled and started heading into different directions. And because I have known them since before their collective story started, there is a strong element of sadness and grieving I am experiencing now. Witnessing. Being present. Thinking about what is really important in one’s life, throughout time.

“In every winter’s heart there is a quivering spring and behind the veil of each night there is a smiling dawn.” – Kahlil Gibran

What’s really, truly important in one’s life? As I contemplate it now, thinking about my life, and those of others I had the opportunity to witness and co-explore, I think I can detect three main threads.

The first is to connect deeply with the creative spirit of life. Sooner or later, people come to recognize that there is some sort of creative, somewhat mysterious, energy that infuses all of life. Even when we cannot clearly articulate what this energy is, we know that it is beyond our logical and intellectual abilities. It is also something that is not driven by our willpower, nor the ego. There is something else. We feel a hunger to touch that energy and to be touched by it. That doesn’t mean that you have to be “an artist” in a classic sense – to make your living as a painter, a dancer, a writer, or an actor. It also doesn’t mean isolating oneself in an ashram on the Himalayas until the enlightenment strikes us, right through the crown chakra. That energy visits and invites us to channel and express it in a variety of small and big ways. It lures us to engage, open up, say YES, become vibrantly alive, step outside of our individual way of relating to the world, opening us up to “something more.” Even when it can be tricky to articulate, we know when the experience touches us. “Come,” this spirit whispers, “Take a deep breath. Let go. Let’s play… you are going to like it…”

The second thread is to know and express your gifts and talents. This one is more about “becoming” where we keep exploring what these gifts are, and expressing them as we keep connecting to what it is. Oftentimes, we may not even know, much less how to express it. Oftentimes, this “thing” is not even related to how we make our living. Yet, we know that there is “something” that we can bring forward, because there is way more to us than meets the eye. And has been, throughout our lives, in various situations and circumstances. Someone is able to feel, deeply in her heart, every injustice that occurs around her. Another someone is able to accept every person, and see them for what they truly are. Yet another person sees through situations and is able to always call the highest truth forward. Someone else sees the big picture and connects the dots like nobody else. Still, even when we can’t explicitly name them, the gifts and talents keep expressing themselves wherever we go, whatever we do, whoever we are with. There really is no holding back on them. Resistance is futile.

Lastly, we want to know that our lives matter. What legacy have we left behind? It doesn’t have to be great or magnificent. But human beings know that at one level, we each have our own unique thumbprint, and we all want to leave that print behind for others to see that we’ve been here and made a difference for someone. We can be successful, make a lot of money, reach a certain status, and achieve great success – according to what society means by it. Yet, it may not be fulfillment, which comes from a very different source. Here, expressing who we are, making a difference in an area that is beyond our personal and individual scope, is a whole different story. Both the origins and impacts of success and fulfillment live in different worlds.

“People are not really afraid of dying; they are afraid of not ever having lived, not ever having deeply considered their life’s purpose, and not ever having stepped into that purpose and at least tried to make a difference in this world.” – Joseph Jaworski

On Being Vulnerable

Simon Goland — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 16:24:45 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about that which we often don’t want to talk about.

Yes. Being vulnerable. Raise your hand if this is a “hobby” of yours. I wonder how many hands went up. I don’t think mine did.

Vulnerability. Sharing that which we are committed to protecting and hiding from the world. The fear of disclosure, the anxiety of “what will they think,” the awareness and mindfulness it takes to look deeply into one’s heart and see what’s been hidden there (perhaps for many years), the courage it takes to bring it into light. Courage is, by the way, a necessary ingredient; comes from the French cour, meaning heart.

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” – Ruth Renkel

The current relationship I am in, with Alison, provides me with ample opportunities to learn and practice my own vulnerability. Alison is like that, and vulnerability is way more than a hobby for her. More like a way of life, and it shows up everywhere with her. Her blog is but one example. Being with her is both a challenge and a tremendous gift, which I am learning to accept and embrace. Not always easy, yet always rich, juicy, alive, and vibrant.

There is a Right Livelihood Quest going on right now, with 16 participants from diverse geographical areas and walks of life. We have entered week 3, and the next week will be the culmination, with a 3.5 day retreat at the Whidbey Institute on Whidbey Island. 4 weeks of a transformational journey. During these weeks, until we meet face-to-face, participants started engaging online, introducing themselves, and sharing stories and experiences. And I am completely amazed, touched, and inspired by the vulnerability and openness of people who have never yet met – and how they bring themselves forward. Openly. Authentically. In a deeply vulnerable way.

“How did I get so lucky to have my heart awakened to others and their suffering?” – Pema Chodron

Vulnerability can show up in so many different and unexpected ways. It can take a moment. An emotion. A glance into someone’s eyes. Or into one’s own heart and what is hiding there, behind the visible. Taking a moment to notice, to acknowledge, to touch gently. Keep the hand open and invite it in. And then bring it out, sharing it with someone else. Perhaps this is what the secret is, if there ever was one. It needs to be shared. After all, we co-exist. We come together. We listen to one another. We sit and share. We journey together. We love together. And we also be vulnerable together.

“For all of us. May we not be separated.” – Margaret Wheatley

The Pattern that Connects

Simon Goland — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 18:14:40 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about the pattern that connects it all.

A yearly retreat of my spiritual practice community, Training in Power, 8 days long, just finished yesterday. I have been going for several years now, and each one has been a transformational experience, yet each occurred differently. After all these years, I think I am beginning to realize what the “real deal” of this event is truly all about, and wonder why I didn’t see it earlier. Apparently, I can be a slow learner sometimes.

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.” – Erica Jong

Thank you British Airways, for delivering me a message I apparently needed to hear at this particular time, and in this particular – and very annoying – manner. When one is ready to leave India and come back home, to his beloved person, his beloved dog, and his beloved students, there is nothing like a cancelled flight to evoke the shadows of the past. “Now you see it, now you don’t” can be a painful way to teach one about life and love. Especially during the growing years.

There was a friendship that faded into the past, some years ago. Paths diverged, the connection attempts were not returned, and as a believer in reciprocity, I had to let go. It took quite a long time, with lots of painful thoughts and contemplations and “maybes.” Letting go of friendships has always been so for me. Yet building the present and the future on the nostalgia of the past does not, and cannot, work. And then, a recent conversation with that friend brought everything back. Underneath the disconnect of the past five years or so, the connecting pattern is timeless.

The unconditional steadiness of dogs’ love has been praised by many over millennia. I know. I have had one beside me, for over 8 years, who knows how to do it intuitively. Tobi has been an incredible gift, especially for one with the “now you have it, now you don’t” pattern of the past. Learning to open up and trust that I will always have it is a precious lesson to have around. No conditions. No small print. The next phase of this lesson is to trust the fact that humans can be like that too. I ended up meeting a teacher for that too.

“Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for the second time in the history of the world, human beings will have discovered fire.” - Teilhard de Chardin

2012 is starting under the theme of Reclaiming Love Back. And it is only February, which means it is going to be a rich and interesting year.

A sunny week to you all, inside and out.

One More Day

Simon Goland — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:02:33 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about my time in India, that is coming to an end.

I have just one more day to complete my almost 3-weeks visit to India. Mostly to teach a 2-week course at the School of Inspired Leadership (http://www.soilindia.net), which is an innovative year-long MBA degree oriented around the 5 values of the school – Mindfulness, Ethics, Compassion, Diversity, and Sustainability. First time here in India. Many years of reading about this country, its history, ancient teachings, and its culture. Hearing stories. Watching movies. Though this last part, the culture, is a bit of a generalization, as many here told me – “India is not a country, it is a continent.” How very true. Even though I barely explored even my immediate vicinity, including a day trip to Agra, I can understand this phrase and the meaning it conveys. Everything is here, more extremes than the happy middle, oftentimes side by side, and it is accepted as a normal state of being.

“The greatest temptation journalists face is to regard the stories they write as their own. They are not: they are the stories of those who are involved in the events reported. It’s not the journalist who is the hero, it’s those who suffer the famines or floods, those who fight cruelty or oppression, those who govern and those who oppose them. Never do I feel this more strongly than when I walk away from natural disasters with the material recorded for what I know will be a ‘good story’, leaving the victims to their suffering.” - Mark Tully, in the opening of his “No Full Stops in India” book

While I am no journalist, these words resonate strongly with me, as I (finally) take a few days to slow down, now that the face-to-face teaching time is over. Only the gradings of presentations and final papers remain, yet I don’t need to do them quite this moment. I can take a metaphorical deep breath, slow down and step back, embracing the experience and this full-of-paradoxes country that I am in. After all, a part of what I was teaching is Whole Systems Thinking, and I will do well to practice my own teachings.

There is a sense of acceptance of “what is” in this place, more than most other places I have visited. Whether karma or something else, there is an element of calmness, presence, and flow, regardless of what is happening in the moment. Even the traffic, which is a fascinating scene of seeming chaos, flows.

I took a taxi yesterday, to visit a few places that are off the local metro line. He knows me, the driver, and I know him, because we have met before several times over the past two weeks. He invites me over for a dinner, saying that his family will be delighted to meet me. His wife, two little children, and his mother, who lives with them. Refusing would probably be an insult, and so I don’t. The experience ends up being beautiful and touching, as I sit there and watch the little kids play, while they bring me some food Pankaj’s wife just prepared. The place is sparsely furnished (an overstatement) and tiny, and is located in what appears to be a very poor and underdeveloped neighbourhood. Yet, it was obviously just cleaned. Even though my hosts speak very little English, we share some tea and then food, while the smiles and friendliness are very evident throughout. So is kindness and the honour I apparently grant them by being there, which I probably don’t fully understand. Pankaj insists that next time I come to India, I have to come with my wife and come for a proper family dinner again. “I would love to,” I promise him.

I keep thinking about the human spirit, both in general, and also about my heart opening up to the world here. Does acceptance of “what is” also means that one does not strive to more? Not of the material kind, no, though the need to have the basics be taken care of are clearly important. More in terms of fulfillment, of purpose, of a life dedicated to something greater than our individual wants and desires; what I call one’s Right Livelihood (http://www.RightLivelihoodQuest.com). Or, is it enough to “simply” feel grateful to what one has in life (and, of course, there is nothing simple about it)? I know that right now, as I keep thinking about my life back home, this sense of gratitude is vibrant and strong.

“All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble.. They can never be solved, but only outgrown. This “outgrowing” proves on further investigation to require a new level of consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on the horizon and through the broadening of outlook the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own terms but faded when confronted with a new and stronger life urge.” – Carl Jung

And, perhaps, it is not an either/or question to begin with…

A sunny week to you all, inside and out.

Amidst the Extremes

Simon Goland — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 11:53:47 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about a beginning of a whole new adventure.

Light – the country of Saints, Yogis, Swamis, Rishis, Sadhus, and Monks, the variety of religions, existing peacefully beside each other, and the many, many temples, mosques, and churches representing them. India seems to be THE most religious and spiritual country. Darkness – beggars, often kids, slaves, millions of people living in slums, or on the streets. Such daily reality of everyday life seems to be normal in India.

A three-week adventure
Stepping into the unknown
Courageous messenger
A precious gift to be shared.
To 116+ lucky strangers.

These are the opening lines of a poem and a card my beloved handed to me as I was packing my way to India. “This one you can open now, but only after you board the plane.” The other two cards have future dates for them, and I wonder what gifts do they hold for me.

India. A country that has been in my mind for a very long time, creating a mysterious push and pull at the same time. My interest in Eastern philosophies and teachings, many years of practicing yoga, the love for vibrancy of colours, smells, and people, the ancient history – all captured my imagination with a firm grip that wouldn’t let go. The pull.

With that, there was the other aspect as well, the push. Perhaps not very logical, as these often are. The sensory overwhelm, the poverty and crowdedness, the fact that pretty much every friend of mine who has spent any time in India, came back with some kind of a disease or a parasite.

This cheek-to-cheek dance of the push and the pull has been percolating within me for quite some time, and somewhere around the beginning of last year, I decided that I will simply have to go to India and stop this dance. Face the reality. Smell the chai tea. Overload my senses. What I didn’t know was the form this decision will take, which currently looks like a bit more of a gentle ease into meeting India than a backpacking trip I had imagined. I am arriving to teach a course at the School of Inspired Leadership, SoIL, which is located just outside of New Delhi. Then, when I am done with a two-week full time course with about 116 MBA students, I will have a few days to explore…

Let go of your agenda
Of how things ‘should’ be
Be scared, anxious and frustrated
And then turn your face towards the sun
And say, ‘Thank you.’

A trivia question – how many cars can fit into one lane? The answer will vary, depending on the moment of the day. For instance, in New Delhi on a Sunday (“Sir, this is not crowded traffic today,” according to my taxi driver Pankaj), it can be any combination of several cars, a tuk-tuk (aka riksha), a bicycle or two, a few people crossing the street amidst the cars, the occasional dog, a pig, and a cow. Magically, they all fit together, flowing side by side, seamlessly weaving in and out, without even touching each other.

So far, after about a day and a bit in India, I am seeing a paradox in action, on a moment to moment basis. Modern high-rises and sophisticated office buildings rising into the sky, while the roads to them are not paved and people are living on the streets around the construction sites. A bicycle loaded with everything from plastic pipes to metal construction rods to bags of “whatever” trying to speed up amidst buses that are falling apart and mercedes cars passing by. A lovely old British-style cottage of my hosts, where I am staying while I teach, with beautiful – and cold – marble floors and heavy wood, and the house-keeper and his assistants who stay up all night, outside, awake, warming themselves by a little fire they build on the street across the gate.

The duality is everywhere, and people seem to not even notice it exists. Or, perhaps they do, yet it appears completely natural in its rich and vibrant tapestry of the human experience. Light and darkness, each giving existence to the other.

Thank you.

A sunny week to you all, inside and out.

Thank You, 2011

Simon Goland — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 07:27:31 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about the gifts of 2011. Well, some of them.

Another year has gone by, seemingly quite fast. Or, perhaps, it is simply the case because it was such a rich and full year, with many exciting ventures, adventures, and people finding their way into my life. As I have been completing the last year, and peering into the crystal ball of what the next one might bring, I thought about gratitude for the gifts 2011 brought my way. Sometimes gently, and at other times, not so much.

“One of the greatest mysteries of our current state of consciousness is how we can live in a world where absolutely nothing is fixed, yet perceive a world of ‘fixedness.’ But once we start to see reality more as it is, we realize that nothing is permanent, so how could the future be fixed? How could we live in anything but a world of continual possibility?” – anonymous

Dear 2011,

Thank you. I know I have been saying it for some years now, to all your younger siblings, who came and left before you, and you might think that I am “just saying it.” I am not. Thank you, for you have been the best one yet. Perhaps not the easiest or the smoothest ever, yet I think that, by now, I am almost at peace with the fact that this is not how my life is going to look like.

I know I was asking for international travels and adventures, and for some reason thought it would be Japan. It wasn’t. There was a week in Istanbul, which was wonderful. Yet, much more importantly, in a few short weeks, I will be heading to India to teach a 2-week course, and then spend a few days exploring New Delhi – if I have any energy left, that is, after teaching a group of almost 120 MBA students at the School of Inspired Leadership (http://soilindia.net). You obviously knew of my long-standing push-pull turmoil towards India, and decided that I need to get off this particular fence. Thank you.

I have been contemplating, for quite some time now, as to how my 10 years of work in the area of life purpose and vocation will combine with my dissertation of the PhD in Eco-Psychology. You obviously did not. All it took you is to set me up with one very random conversation with one of my students, in June, and over 15 minutes or so, the clarity emerged – and Right Livelihood Quest (http://www.RightLivelihoodQuest.com) was born and is happening. Thank you (though, I am curious – how is it that it was so easy for you?)

You, dear 2011, have a sense of the people I need to have in my classes and facilitation work. All these students and clients are absolutely incredible – passionate, committed, engaged, and resistant in just the right areas for me to struggle and learn more about myself. I am deeply grateful for you for this one, as you kept sending the right people on my path.

You obviously talked to your younger siblings before you arrived; otherwise, how could you have known to send me such wonderful friends, new and existing, who kept reminding me of the importance of belonging to a community. And not only friends, but also professional collaborators. You obviously knew that I have been doing my work on my own for a long time, and wanted to collaborate and co-create with others. Well, the people I have been working with this year are incredible, and it is a true blessing to co-create transformational learning experiences together.

And then there is this relationship thing. I know, I know – I said I was ready for one. It is just that, sometimes, theory and practice are quite different. I really could not have imagined the learning I will be facing in this one. It is deep, rich, inspiring, loving, confronting, challenging, and has a way of questioning quite a few of my set ways of being. This next level of “loving as a way of being” is beautiful, juicy, and not always easy. Still, I am truly grateful to you for this one.

“Surely, the function of relationship is to reveal the state of one’s whole being. Relationship is a process of self-revelation, of self-knowledge. This self-revelation is painful, demanding constant adjustment, pliability of thought-emotion. It is a painful struggle, with periods of enlightened peace.” - Krishnamurti

Thank you for bringing me exactly what I need, when you think I need it, even when it might be not exactly how I thought I wanted it. I’d like to say that I am learning to trust, and have no doubt your next-in-line sibling, 2012, will make sure I keep learning this particular lesson. Apparently, I can be a slow learner.

Wherever you are now, 2011, I deeply appreciate all that you brought for me, and am looking forward to your older sibling, 2012.

A sunny week to you all, inside and out.

Being the Board

Simon Goland — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:24:38 +0000

Today’s Reflection is about what Benjamin and Rosamund Zander call “Being the Board,” in their timeless masterpiece – The Art of Possibility.

I think this particular chapter, or practice as they call it, should come with a warning. It needs to say something along the lines of, “Warning: Once you read this chapter and truly grok it, life will never be the same again. You will never be able to blame anyone for anything, whether you like it or not. Especially when not. You will have to face the fact that you play the lead part in anything that is happening in your life, whether it is happening to you directly, or to those around you. Especially when you don’t like what is happening to them. You will forever forfeit the sentence, ‘I had nothing to do with it’ in any flavour or variation of it. The scope of your personal ownership and accountability will expand exponentially, and oftentimes, this will suck – while you are learning to accept and own this expanded scope. Back doors will permanently close. Everything around you will become a mirror, reflecting your oh-so-non-flattering blind spots of yours. This truth will set you free, eventually. But first, it will really piss you off. Think again before you turn the page, and read at your own risk!”

Something along these lines.

“Of all the virtues we can learn, no trait is more useful, more essential for survival, and more likely to improve the quality of life than the ability to transform adversity into an enjoyable challenge.” - Mihalyi Csikszentmihaly

I have been using this book in teaching a variety of courses over the years, in areas of Coaching, Leadership and Personal Development, and alike. The book is a gem, and the various chapters and practices have always been tremendously valuable. Both to students and to myself. Right now, apparently, the Being the Board chapter needed to be a reminder for me. And not for the first time. Strange how we tend to forget some lessons…

In the classroom, Being the Board means that everything any participant is going through, has a direct connection to what I am doing and, even more importantly, who I am being in that moment. This has been a very rich lesson to keep learning, and I am glad to say that it has slowly been finding its way into my “classroom.” Yet, this might be the easier part of the lesson, merely the preparation for the next phase.

I have known about this particular lesson in various other contexts as well. Still, there really is nothing like a relationship to bring the lesson “closer to home.” As “in your face” close to home, staring me in the eye, noses touching, breaths merging into one. And, when I am facing such a reminder, the answer to “Have I really caused it?” is not the easiest nor pleasant to absorb.

“The Universe operates on a basic principle of economics: everything has its cost. We pay to create our future, we pay for the mistakes of the past. We pay for every change we make… And we pay just as dearly if we refuse to change.” - Brian Herbert, Kevin J. Anderson (Dune: House Harkonnen)

The truth is slowly and ever so gently setting me free. Yet, because of the cyclical nature of my life, I suspect it is not for the last time.

A sunny week to you all, inside and out.